Telling friends about my Eating Disorder

Due to my anorexia nervosa I have lost a number of friends. Some directly due to my illness, some perhaps because, as the illness became all too consuming, I spent less time contacting them coupled with the fact that one of my friends moved school and went on to lead a seperate life to me.

I had three friends at school, and one who had just moved. Telling people about my eating disorder has sometimes worked, but sometimes has miserably failed.

One of my friends kept hinting to me that I had anorexia: she talked about famine and kept offering me food or asking why I was failing to eat at lunch or constantly at the doctors. I decided to write to her as I couldn’t tell her straight to her face. In her response, she replied:

The main reason was that whenever I talk to you I always got worried because of all these days you have been having off. And I got the impression that you didn’t want to tell me, which was fine initially but the more appointments you started having the more worried I got and didn’t know what to talk about with you which wasn’t related to your doctor’s appointments. So I’m extremely sorry.

[…]

I’m here for you. Whenever you need help with anything, just ask. I will not mind, infact I’ll be glad to be help in any way.

[…]

Since when do you have this problem?

I didn’t particularly like the questioning: does it really matter how long? Needless to say, despite her positive response, she never really understood and soon decided to leave me. After prolonged absence from school, she avoided meeting with me to go out to the cinema. She was jealous of the exam support I received and the grades I was achieving despite hardly ever being in class. She spread messages about me in the common room, and refused to even work as part of a group with me in Biology (and left me on my own; it was humiliating but luckily some other girls helped me out and let me join their team). She failed to pass on important messages to me when I asked to look at work I had missed. You would think such exclusion and bulling would stop in Sixth Form, with people being 17-18 years old, but things have changed little since I joined that school.

Another friend left me as her mum thought eating disorder are contagious and she might contract it from me. The third friend just…left.
However, yesterday I talked to a very close friend. She used to tell me I need to gain weight, but didn’t ask and respected me that I would tell her if and when I felt was right. She told me today and my ex-friend asked her (“hey, Kushika’s lost a lot of weight.” “I know.” my friend replied. “why?” — basically my ex-friend wanted a bit of gossip instead of asking me directly). My close friend asked why I was extending my studied by a year. So I told her I had anorexia, gave an idea of what symptoms I lived with, and told her I was doing okay now. I explained to her that it was nothing to do with the media, and dispelled a few myths. She understood to a certain extent as her ex-boyfriend has anorexia for a number of years and is underweight to this day.

So, in conclusion, I’ve had mixed responses. I don’t expect people to understand, and don’t need friends to understand the illness, but I expect people not to judge me or cut me off because of my illness. The friends I have lost are not the people who I wanted in my life. When explaining that I was ill, I only do so if I am comfortable, and if I don’t feel its necessary, I see no reason why someone, even a friend, needs to know of my health unless it will be beneficial to me. I always try to dispel myths if I do, and explain in what way I want people to support me seeing as very few people know what they can do to help (it could be as not mentioning diets excessively or commenting on appearance or just being there).

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. signorinabea
    Aug 12, 2010 @ 16:43:18

    My childhood best friend had anorexia. I’m ashamed to say I haven’t spoken to her in years.

    Reply

    • kushika
      Aug 12, 2010 @ 16:49:01

      Is there any chance you could renew contacts perhaps? I don’t think you need to feel ashamed as I assume it was not due to malice or hate but due to misunderstanding of the illness instead.We learn from our mistakes after all.

      Reply

      • signorinabea
        Aug 12, 2010 @ 19:53:46

        Actually, I just tried to find her on Facebook, but it seems like she deleted her account. It was hard to be her friend because she would lie to me so often, but I should have stuck with her through her disease.

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